We went to toddler yoga. There’s only one rule in toddler yoga: you cannot run around the room like a maniac. What is the only thing my toddler wanted to do? Downward dog? Nope. Sing wheels on the bus? Nope. Moo like a cow? Not a chance. She wanted to rrrrrruuuuunnnnnnn!!! She knocked down other toddlers. She stepped on the instructor’s phone. And, she face planted into a stranger’s mat—all while having the biggest smile on her face.
After spending an hour chasing her around the room (almost 7 months pregnant), I thought, ‘when I became a mom, this is not what I expected.’ So, in honor of my toddler, here are 10 jobs you automatically get when becoming a mom.
1. Lion Tamer. This is what I felt like at toddler yoga. Trying to chase, wrestle, and corral a toddler is like trying to tame the most fearsome of beasts. Only the strong survive! Watch out for the sharp teeth!
2. Teacher. She is really into books right now. She brings me one at least a couple of times a day, and she sets in my lap while I read to her. It’s so sweet… makes me forget the Lion Taming I’ve just endured.
3. Nurse. “Do you think she needs Tylenol?” This is a very common question around our house. Pair that with the question, “Is she teething?” and you’ve just heard 50% of our conversations—you don’t even have to tune into our future reality show :). I wish college would have included a semester class in child health, because we have no clue what we are doing. Sometimes we just look at each other and shrug.
4. Transformer. The first time I was pregnant my husband looked at me one day and said, “Woah, your body is like a transformer!” Since having a baby I’ve realized my mind is also like a transformer. I’m constantly thinking about how to get tasks done during the day while watching out for sluthey baby hands that get into everything.
5. Referee. I actually haven’t encountered this one yet, but with only a few months before the new baby arrives, I thought I would put it on the list.
6. Therapist. “Toddlers love big and live big,” I read that in an article on Facebook (it must be true, right?), and I thought it was the perfect description of Vera Faye. Everything is SUCH a big deal right now. If Netflix doesn’t load her favorite video quick enough—she throws on the floor and starts screaming. When she touched the lace on her pants this morning—she thought her life was over. There are good sides to this too, like last night I was trying to rock her to sleep and she wouldn’t stop laughing. So, I really don’t mind this job. It makes me smile to see that much life going on in such a little package.
7. Janitor. Duh.
8. Fortune Teller. This one is kind of cool. I know what is going to make her mad, happy, sad, even before she does. I didn’t think I would be able to know her so well before she could even speak.
9. Chef. She loves spaghetti, Hawaiian rolls, and bananas. Anything else, she might taste on a case by case basis… if you’re lucky. Don’t even THINK about giving her food that is anywhere close to hot. She will not wait for it to cool down.
10. Detective. Sometimes, I’m a Nose Detective searching out something that smells. Other times, I’m trying to locate the last landing spot of her shoes. Usually, I’m trying to figure out what she’s chewing on. It doesn’t matter what the question is, I’m just always trying to find an answer.
There you go. Ten jobs, you get when becoming a mom. Do you have any more to add?