Worst of Times
I don’t know how to write this post. You need words to write a post, and I don’t have many. I guess I’ll just say it.
About a month ago, he was ran over– and we still haven’t recovered. First of all, I feel like the worst dog mom ever for letting this happen. Secondly, I keep thinking, “What can I do to change it? What can I do to save him?” I feel like life should have a giant undo button that you can press when something terrible happens. Or maybe, like in a Nintendo game, we can have another “life” and get to play the level one more time.
But, I haven’t found those buttons yet, so we’re just sitting in the middle of all the feels. We’re remembering a great dog.
His big smile, his uncontrollable dinosaur tail, his goofy walk, his goofier run, and his amazing ability to get into trouble. As one of our first children, he was a highlight of our life. We’ve cried a lot for that big puppy. And, I cry for Pink. He seems so lonely now. Since the day he was born, he had the ultimate companion– a brother. Pink and Rick were our dogs, but they cared more for each other than they did about us.
I’m still not sure what to say about all this. Except, I’m taking solace in a movie from my childhood, All Dogs Go to Heaven. I know he will be there with a big yard to dig holes in, lots of food, and no scary storms. Love you pup.
Best of Times
Life is weird. Happy and sad events sometimes coincide– leaving an emotional mess (me)behind. Earlier this summer, a couple months before Rick died, we got some awesome news.
I’m pregnant again! I’m 25 weeks this week, which means I’ve almost made it to my third trimester.
Just as I’ve been hesitant to talk about Rick, I’ve also been hesitant to talk about the new baby. After the emotional rollercoaster it took for us to get pregnant the first time, I could hardly believe it could happen so easily the second time. So, when I started feeling a “swampy” feeling, I completely wrote it off. I was still breastfeeding Vera Faye at the time, and there were no signs my body was ready.
But, my swampy feeling wouldn’t go away! While my husband was away on a business trip I decided to take a test. I was tired of thinking I might be pregnant, and I was ready to be done with my crazy thoughts!
Well, I wasn’t crazy- at least not about being pregnant 🙂
We’re having a baby! Definitely a miracle after all we’ve been through. At first I wouldn’t let myself believe it. Then, as my belly kept growing, I got even more worried because I couldn’t feel the baby move. At my 16 week appointment the nurse said I should feel it any time, but I didn’t. As the weeks passed, all I felt was heartburn.
Luckily, when we went in for our 20 Week ultrasound, the tech said the baby is great, and I wasn’t feeling it move because of the position of all the baby accessories in there. Now my worries have mostly gone away, and I’m trying to enjoy the last part of my pregnancy.
Since this baby was such a surprise, we’ve decided not to find out the gender. There’s a mystery baby growing inside of me. It really hasn’t been hard to keep from finding out the gender. I was so worried about not feeling him/her move that I didn’t even think about gender, and now I’m so relieved the baby is doing well, that I still don’t think about gender.
I know one thing about the baby. I’m betting no matter the gender, he/she will be just as rowdy as our first fur child…