Monthly Archives: July 2013

Why Dogs Should Not Float

We took Pink and Rick floating last weekend.  I begged and begged to take them.  But, I learned quickly that our dogs should not float.

Every year we go to my Aunt’s Cabin and have a family retreat and go floating.  Last year we made the dogs stay at the cabin.  But, this year, they were more mature, right?  More grown up, right?  So we took them.

First, we got prepared.  My coworker told me I needed to get some shoes to protect their feet.   We started the weekend by trying wrangle the dogs into slippers that looked like balloons.

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WHATTTTTT? You want to put balloons on my feet?! I’m not a clown dog.

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I don’t know what’s going on, but I kind of like it.

Then we boosted them on the school bus…

Dogs on a school bus

The dogs on the bus go round and round

We let them wade in the water…

Dogs in water

Bring it onnnnnnnn!

Then, I had to put my camera away, because I didn’t want it to end up in the river.  And… the shenanigans started.

1.  First, when we were surrounded by hundreds of people, Rick got loose.  I thought he would just run around and make friends.  I hoped he would stay by the canoe.  I wanted him to swim nearby.  But, he chose to dart to the bank of the river.  That’s weird, I thought.  He loves the cool water, so why would he go to the bank?  Next, he ran down the bank in front of the biggest crowd he could find–probably 100 people.  And in slow motion, he started to squat.  Nooooooo, I screamed as I realized what he was doing.   Then, he squatted further and took a massive number 2– as the whole crowd watched.

Why dogs should not float # 1: They like a bathroom audience.

2.  A couple miles later we ran into a group of people on the bank of the river.  The little girl in the group was straight out of a horror movie.   Because, as soon as our canoe got close, she picked up a rock and threw it into the river.  Before I could get my hands over Rick’s eyes, he launched himself into after the rock.  We all went down with him.  We flipped into the river and our whole canoe went under.  We were left trying to hang onto the dog, our stuff, the canoe, get out of the river, and not drown.

Why dogs should not float # 2:  They like devil children.

After fighting with him for miles we finally got smart, and put him in the front of the canoe.  That way I could have a better grip on him.

Captain Rick Sparrow!

Captain Rick Sparrow!

3.  Next, Rick decided to take a break and let his brother pull some shenanigans.  We were almost to the end of the float, when we passed some kids jumping off a cliff.  One of the boys jumped as Pink passed by in a canoe with my parents.  Before they could grab him, Pink leapt out of the boat after the boy.  Then, Rick saw Pink in the water and wanted to jump.  I wresteled all 107 pounds of him back in the boat, as we pulled our canoe to the bank to try and catch Pink.

Why dogs should not float # 3: They think they are Lassie.

Overall, we had a great time!  But, I think we will leave Pink, Rick, and their balloon shoes at home next year.  Have you had any success taking pets on vacations?

pssst… If you like this post, please follow!  Just go to the top right hand of the page and put in your email address.  You’ll get the latest posts to your inbox.  Pink and Rick want to be the most followed dogs in the park, so you could make their dreams come true.  It’s like Disney World, but bloggier.

 

6 Payoffs of Canceling Cable TV

Check out these 6 Payoffs of Canceling Cable TV.  But first, here’s why we cut the cord.

We canceled our Cable TV about six months ago.  I’d wanted to for a long time, because it’s a huge waste of time and money.  But, I never could because I looooooooooooove Reality TV.  All of it.  Everything from Houses on HGTV to Housewives on Bravo.  I love Reality TV so much that I can tell you the name of every housewife in every city.  Impressed?  No.  Well, I know most of the words to, “Don’t be tardy for the party.”  BOOM!!!!  Now you’re impressed.

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Pink and Rick are impressed

Americans have a love/hate relationship with Cable TV.  When I tell people about canceling our Cable TV most say, “ahhhh.  I wish I could do that.”  People hate cable because it is one of the only industries that punishes people for being long-term customers.  The longer you’re a customer, the more you pay.  But, people don’t want to get rid of it because it’s sooooooo good.

Over 2 years our cable creeped up from $20 to $120.  Gradually we started cutting back.  We ditched some channels, and we got it down to $70 a month.  It wasn’t bad.  Just kind of annoying.  Since we’re trying to pay off our house, I thought it would be nice if we paid around $25 a month.

We called Dish Network to strip down our package down  to the basics.  Then, the rep said she would have to charge us to switch our receiver.  Charge us?  We’ve been customers for over two years.  We pay on time.  We’ve never needed maintenance or anything.  And we’re getting charged to change our receiver?  That’s when Mr. We’ve Had Them Since They Were Tiny said, “you ready to get rid of it?”  The housewives flashed through my mind, but I said, “yes.”

Fast forward six months.  Here are 8 payoffs of canceling our cable:

1.  We got Netflix, and I’ve been catching up on quality TV.  Two words.  Mad Men.  I was too busy with botox and bonus rooms to watch this  SHAMAZING show.  I  watched the first five seasons.  I can’t watch the current season (because it’s on cable).  So, I’ve moved on to…

2.  Awesome Netflix only shows.  Like House of Cards.  It’s up for an Emmy.  Kevin Spacey’s acting is the most amazing thing I’ve ever watched.  Like dark, twisty, scandalous butter.  If butter was twisty and scandalous.

3.  I spend less time watching TV.  Also, I spend NO time watching commercials.

4.  We have rabbit ears.  Remember those things?  At your grandma’s house?  Well, we’ve got a pair.  Our friends donated them to us, and they make me feel like a hipster.  Now I have more street cred.

5.  Our TV expenses are 8 bucks a month.  It’s amazing.  Also, Netflix is a company I like giving my money to.  They are upfront about costs.  When the money is taken out of our bank account, I think, “yeah, you deserve it, Netflix.”  Not, “I freaking hate you Dish Network.”

6.  After we pay off our house, we will probably return to cableville.  Hopefully, by that time the Cable TV industry will have a melt down and will be upfront about costs and stop punishing loyal customers.  Because right now, the whole system is bogus.   BOOM!!!

Have you ever thought about canceling your cable?

Pink and Rick Podcast

Hi!  Happy Friday to everyone.  I think I’m releasing Pink and Rick’s Podcast today.  I’m not sure if it’s actually going to work, so who knows.  I’m going to get it set up in iTunes in the next few days, so it can be official!

I recorded this podcast during my trip to Savannah to visit one of my life-long friends, Megan.

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Here’s her blog post on our trip.  Somehow, I roped her into doing this podcast with me while I was there.  We decided to chat about all the things that happen when you’re 27.

Here are 10 reasons why it’s pretty amazing:

1.  I had to cut out 5 minutes of laughing.  Just solid laughing.

2.  I had to cut out a lot of embarrassing stuff.

3.  We laugh about crying at work.  See, I left a ton of embarrassing stuff in, too!

4.  It sounds like we’re playing ping pong in the background.  I need to work on my audio recording skills.

5.  I get to check “make a podcast” off my bucket list.

6.  We started the show off by popping a bottle of champagne.  Classy!

7.  We talk about forgetting where we left our car.

8.  I had to cut out some parts when you couldn’t even understand what we were saying.

9.  We do a shout out to my mom!

10.  I had a blast, in a completely embarrassing kind of way.

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Pink is a Rare Dudley Lab. A Cowboy Said So.

Pink looks different… cute… but different.  We had seven puppies, and only one came out with a pink nose and light eyes.  It’s how he got his name, “Pink.”  I’m so creative, I can barely stand it.

When he was a puppy people said he looked like a pit bull, but I hoped he was an albino lab.  Then he could be an evil genius and take over the world.

baby pink

Isn’t he the cutest evil genius you’ve ever seen?

 When he got older, his eyes turned a gold– like a vampire.  We settled on a clinical diagnosis of “crazy eyes” instead of “vampire eyes.”  I didn’t want vampires to go out of style and Pink left holding on to a dream.

Big Pink

He was pretty mad about my up close photo shoot. See those daggers coming out of his eyes?

Recently, we solved the mystery of Pink’s crazy looks.  Mr. We’ve Had Them Since They Were Tiny had the dogs out and about.  He ran into a man who manages an Electric Cowboy.  If you don’t know, an Electric Cowboy is a dance club for cowboys.  And electricians.   Anyway, the man looked at Pink and said, “he’s one of those labs that was meant to be a chocolate.”

Mr. We’ve Had Them Since They We’re Tiny came home and told me the story.  I put my veterinarian google skills to work.  I started googling stuff like,”yellow lab supposed to be chocolate.”  Or, “yellow lab pink nose chocolate.”  Then, “where is the closest place I can get chocolate?”  The last one was for me.

After some genetic analysis googleing, I figured it out.  Pink is a Dudley.   A Dudley Lab is a rare yellow lab with no pigmentation.  Something about a chocolate lab’s genes mixed with a yellow lab.  Then there’s something about recessive stuff and capital letters and lower case letters.  Here’s some pictures of other Dudleys.

The only real difference is that Pink can’t be a show dog–the Dog People don’t allow Dudleys.  I guess we won’t be going to that big dog show on Thanksgiving.  That’s okay with Pink.  He likes turkey more.

I think he is the cutest Dudley I’ve ever seen–even when he’s been rolling around in mud.

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Made any crazy discoveries lately?  I feel like Sherlock Hounds.  Send me your pet mysteries.  I’ll google them out.

Paying Off Our House + Space Dogs

We’re nine months into paying off our house.  Three months ago we got distracted by buying a foreclosure.  So, now we’re back to boring: paying off our mortgage.  I want to update you on the progress.

Update 1.  It sucks.  No one says this.  Everyone always says, “have big goals!  Reach for the stars!”  No one says, “big goals suck, they are only fun when you finish.”  Sometimes I just need to say it.

Update 2.  To be fair, it’s also addicting.  It’s energizing.  The thought of never paying another house payment is incredible.

Update 3.  During the last update, I said we’d paid off $11,000 since January.  As of this month, we’ve paid off $26,000 since January.  This would be incredible, but we took out a loan of $10,000 to do it.  Why are we paying the loan shuffle?

Update 4.  We got messed up with the foreclosure nasty business (or biznasty as I like to call it).   During the foreclosure biznasty, we took out a $10,000 loan from a local bank to help us make some repairs that needed to be done before we moved in.  When we lost the foreclosure we didn’t need the loan.  We put the loan toward paying off our house. That’s why we’re down so much.

Why did we decide go through with this weird lender square dance?

Update 5.   I really wanted to see the balance on our home drastically decrease.  I know, it’s silly, but our loan balance looks amazing.  And sometimes, you just need some good news.  Even if it’s not accurate.

Update 6.  Also, we don’t have to pay the smaller loan back for 2 years.  We calculated the interest owed on the smaller loan, and it was about the same as paying on our mortgage.  It’s a wash for us.  We’re going to ignore it for now and tackle it later.

So, now we have $44,000 left on our home loan.  I feel weird putting all this out there.  I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to, but we talked about it and want to document the process–and maybe help someone.  So, there it is.  I’m not sure what etiquette is for blogging about paying off your house, but Emily Post would probably say this whole blog is inappropriate, anyway.

That’s where we are.  And we’re forging ahead.  Our goal is to finish in March of next year–1.5 years into the process.  This is super unrealistic.  When I crunch the numbers they never say we will be done in March.  But, it’s always been our goal, so we’re keeping it for now.

Maybe, we will be done in March 2099 and say, “we met our goal, we finished in March!”   Pink and Rick will dominate some doggie space suites in March 2099.

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Ricky Bobby dreams of being a Dog-stronaut

 Feel free to post your own update below…

pssst… If you like this post, please follow!  Just go to the top right hand of the page and put your email address in.  You’ll get the latest posts to your email box.  Pink and Rick want to be the most followed dogs in the park, so you could help make dreams come true.  It’s like Disney World, but bloggier.

 

 

Pink and Rick Don’t Care About America. Or Freedom.

It’s that time of year again.  Where patriotic humans set money on fire and watch it explode.  Also, known as the 4th of July.  It’s a beautiful thing.

This was Pink and Rick’s first big firework year, and I expected to have a good story to tell you.  Like, they ran around with sparklers in their mouth and smoke bombs tied to their tails.  Unfortunately, I got nothing.  Not even a smoky puppy.

Pink and Rick didn’t care about the fireworks at all.  They were too busy trying to dominate the food table.

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Food to the front. Fireworks to the back.

Nobody else noticed the dogs lack of enthusiasm, because we went to my parent’s house for the 4th of July.  My brother is KING of fireworks.  So, he took over the hijinks from Pink and Rick.

My brother likes to make his own fireworks.  He’s a Mechanical Engineer, and he talks about going to mining school someday– to be a professional blow up stuff person.  His specialty is wrapping up explosives in tin foil and duct tape.  This year, he filled a Walmart bag with explosives and threw it off the deck.  I don’t have a picture, but there is a video of his homemade smoke bomb below.  You’re welcome.

Also, this year my brother made a remote ignition for his firework display.  And, he made a massive board full of artillery shell tube loader things.

Remote starter for firework display. Kind of looks like the Jetson’s lunch box.

Artillery Shell Tubes.  Or a ring toss for pyromaniacs.

Artillery Shell Tubes. Or ring toss for pyromaniacs.

Here’s the video with the homemade smoke bomb.  But, that’s not the best part.  Check out the monster artillery shell explosion at the end–not just once but three separate times.

I hope you had a great fourth!  Here’s to hoping Pink and Rick are more patriotic next year.  Do any of your family members or friends really get into fireworks?

psst… if you like this post, please follow my blog.  Just type your email address in the box in the right hand column.  Then, you will get an email when I post something new/crazy.  It would mean a lot to Pink and Rick.  They always brag to other dogs about how many followers they have.